I’m too exhausted to be perfect

Back in 2012 I decided to enroll in graduate school. What was I thinking? Could I take care of three children, be a wife, work full time, and add school to the mix? Surely I was not the first women to wear all of these hats. I had this idea that I could balance everything and not miss a beat. Well, only by the grace of God and Him holding my mind together was I able to do all of this and survive. I’m graduating in a few weeks.  Getting my Master’s degree is something I wanted to do even before getting married and having children and I wasn’t built for giving up on my dreams. As time progressed and I got more involved in school I became so tired I wanted to just stop, but I couldn’t. This was no longer just a personal goal, but also a lesson about education and teaching my kids to pursue their dreams. What would my kids think about mommy quitting school? I must say, I had a lot of those “mommy moments” where I just literally broke down. I became so exhausted from trying to care for my family, cooking, cleaning, attending school events, pursuing my degree, and working. There were times I was just down right angry and didn’t want to be bothered. I couldn’t rest and I started having chest pains because I was anxious, worried, frustrated, and just plain TIRED!!!!  One day I cried out to God and asked for help cause I just could not keep going like this. Why was I trying so hard to do everything? This was God’s question to me. This is what I’m suppose to be doing was my answer. Wrong. Yes, I am a strong woman. I’m determined and I don’t give up easy, but God was telling me there was no need to work myself to “death”. Yes. I said death. If I didn’t let go and ask for help, that’s exactly what I would be doing.  I think we women sometimes bite off more than we can chew and because we think this is what we were designed to do we just deal with it. I didn’t have to cook a freshly prepared meal every night, so I didn’t. I had couldn’t make it to every school event so I stopped stressing over it.  So what if my house wasn’t squeaky clean, I have 3 kids. Believe me when I say, I am still a work in progress, but the perfectionist mind I once had is being renewed through prayer and time with God. Without Him, I would be lost and and exhausted.

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