Emotional Peace not Perfection

It’s Sunday evening and I thought the emotional rollercoaster I have been on this week was over, but as I lay here in bed, crying, I know it’s not. My mind keeps telling me to pull it together, to stop being so emotional and to quit stressing out. But when the kids start yelling, fussing, and arguing, all I want to do is run away and have a total melt down. I’m so over all the bickering. I keep trying to say the words I hear so many people say, “this too shall pass.” Well, my question is when? When will they do what I ask the very first time? When will they decide not to argue with one another and just ignore each other if necessary? When will they just clean up the mess they made without me prompting? When will they behave like the people I have taught them to be? Those are my questions. Why must I be a wreck because of my kids? I don’t want to despise being a parent or not want to be around the people who cause me to be a mother. I don’t even want perfection, I just want peace. I expect that a child will push the limits to see how much they can get away with. I even expect to combat with disobedience as it is a natural occurrence, thus why we as parents have been given the responsibility of teaching right from wrong. But at what point do they get it and I get some relief? I’m working on the yelling so I don’t want to go that route. You know, progressing and not regressing! So I catch myself talking inwardly and attempting to self soothe. That doesn’t work of course because I’m not able to make any sense of the situation at hand. Ultimately, I end of having that moment where I’m asking God, “Why Me?” There’s usually lots of tears involved, questions like what have I done wrong, and a whole lot of just make it better! But I happened upon a blog site from 2 years ago that made me stop and think (thank you God for pointing me there). I don’t even know if its still active, but I will give credit where it’s due. Thanks to http://www.thehowtomom.com for a post back on 9/13/13 entitled How to Fix Your Child’s Attitude. Maybe I’m trying to accomplish so much in a day and I’m already tense and on edge that the little things the kids are doing are intensified. My getting upset then causes them to get upset and kaboom, 💥 (explosion)!

I’m stepping back a bit cause I’ve gotta get a grip. And I’m doing this exercise as part of my post.

1. What are 3 things you like about each of your kids?
Ray – smile, funny, willingness to try something new
Vares – loving, technological understanding, forgiving
Kira – quick wit, consoling, outgoing personality

2. What do you enjoy about being a mom?
Hearing them call me mom, the random hugs and kisses, and seeing their faces after working all day!

3. What are your most precious memories of each child?
Ray – the day she was born, just seeing those little lips and cheeks, and knowing this was the person inside of me for 9 months and now I could touch her and hold her close to me.
Vares – knowing I had a son on the way and then later watching him learn to walk and seeing those legs move and reaching his arms to me and trusting that I’d be there to reach back. Even still reaching for me as I went to have baby #3.
Kira – watching her sleep next to me not wanting to let me go. Reaching over just to make sure I was still there and feeding off my body heat as a source of comfort and not letting me move an inch without her moving right behind me.

Wow, talk about emotional. That just took me back. I think I need to spend some time going through old photos and baby books.

Thank you God for all that I have been given and entrusted with. Though it is not an easy task, I take it seriously and even through my frustrations, I am forever grateful!

One thought on “Emotional Peace not Perfection

  1. jenniferpeck23 says:

    Nailed it. So easily the same words could have flowed from my fingertips. I can assure you, you are not alone in your sentiments. I keep thinking that I wouldn’t yell half as much as I do if my kids would just listen to me and do what is asked of them the first time….sigh…Thank you for reaffirming once again that the road I am traveling on as a mom, I share with you and many others….

    Liked by 1 person

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