In my last post Self Care Means Being Self Aware I really started to dive into taking care of myself. As women we are so busy taking care of our families, working our careers, being wives, or fulfilling whatever role we are handed. I’ve had to really step back and think about what I need to do to take care of myself. It’s tough to do because you feel like you’re being selfish, but when you look at the big picture, it’s what’s needed for longevity and in some cases, sanity.
Between work and home I had gotten really stressed out. Although I was blogging and journaling, I felt like I needed to see someone who could maybe give some insight into how I was feeling. It took some time but I finally made the decision to seek therapy. I needed a neutral person to hear my story and help me figure out a game plan and hopefully help me understand myself better. I’m happy to report that just by seeking help, my heart is lighter and I feel like I am on the path of rediscovering myself. I’m smiling more, which is awesome. I didn’t know it at the time, but the constant crying, frustration, stress, anxiety, all of that was depression!
She helped me examine my emotions and rethink how I’ve been caring for myself. What I found was my desire to help has both a positive and negative side. Because of that I have a hard time saying no and take on way too much. My desire to please is demonstrated through perfectionism. It bleeds over into not only my career but also as a mom. This process has helped me uncover feelings I would otherwise bury and pretend didn’t exist.
Over the past few weeks I have worked really hard on getting “me” back. I have made conscious decisions to say no to tasks I just can’t tackle right now. It’s easier to do that at home as opposed to work, but I have made my position known there too.
Motherhood was meant to be a blessing from God, not a chore. Being a wife is supposed to be about sharing my life with someone, not a loss of self. There are not enough hours in the day to accomplish all I need to do for my family, but that’s ok. I don’t have to do it all. That is really tough for me to say, but the more I say it the easier it becomes. And the same goes for work. What I don’t accomplish today will be waiting on me tomorrow.
As I have said numerous times before, this is a journey. Just this short amount of time has provided clarity and the ability to exhale. I have found refuge. I’m working towards contentment.